First and second loves
by trumpetchick9
Summary: A literati romance. What if, at the end of season 4, Rory hadn't been able to say no to Jess' proposal... but she had been able to say no to Dean? Jess fans all explore what should have happened this is my personal favorite resolution.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters, as well as almost all of the dialogue in this chapter, were created by and belong to Amy-Sherman Palladino… so please don't sue me:)

I was unsatisfied with the ending of season 4. This starts near the end of "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights," during Rory's ill-fated date with Graham.

…

Rory sighed. How did she let herself get caught up in this mess? Her mother had warned her. For years, really. She had told Rory that her grandparents were sly and conniving; that they wanted to control the lives of everyone around. She had even tossed around the nickname "puppetmaster" with much frequency. Previously, Rory had thought that her mom was just being overdramatic and silly, as she tended to be more often than not.

But now that she sat stranded at a table in a bar, she cursed herself for not fully comprehending the seriousness of her mother's admonition. The herd of drunk hooligans, one of whom Rory's grandmother had tried to set her up with, had gone, and she had no way to get home. She hated feeling helpless like this.

"Excuse me," Rory called out to a nearby waitress, "is there an ATM here?"

"A few blocks down," the girl answered, "I wouldn't walk, though. Gets dicey at night."

Great, Rory thought. Now I have to ask someone to come to my rescue. Mentally, she went through a list of her friends in her head. Her mother was the most obvious choice, but she had sounded so excited when describing her plans of attending Liz's wedding that Rory didn't want to interrupt her evening. Lane didn't have a car, and Paris was probably off with the old professor – something she even more desperately didn't want to interrupt.

Dean. His name popped into her mind from somewhere in her subconscious. They were friends again, right? Certainly it was worth a try; she didn't have much of an option at this point.

She pulled her cell phone out of her purse, found his name in the directory, then pressed the phone up to her ear. "Hey, it's me. I'm kind of stuck, and I… well, I didn't know who else to call."

"What's wrong?" He sounded concerned. "Do you need help?"

She briefly explained her jam, and Dean offered to drive her home. "It's no problem at all," he argued when she insisted that she didn't want to trouble him. "I just finished up a shift for Tom at the inn; I'll be there as soon as I can."

Of course he would. He was Dean; he was always there when she needed him.

After the two of them finished off an impressive amount of greasy bar food (at the expense of her absent date, who had stupidly left his tab open at the bar), Dean drove her back to the dorm, and they walked around for a little while, enjoying the quiet campus.

"This campus is amazing," Dean remarked, in awe.

"And you're seeing it at a weird time, because we're probably the last two people left," she said. Conversing with Dean was easy, comfortable. It almost felt like old times, when things were good between them, but she couldn't quite ignore the fact that it wasn't the old days. Things had changed, and because of these things, tension hung between them. So many questions needed answers, but Rory was careful not to offend him after he had been nice enough to come her and rescue him.

"Man, it's good to get out. It's good to laugh. I laughed tonight," Dean said. "You're funny."

"I can be funny," Rory agreed, offhand, fiddling with her keys.

"That's what I just said."

"Yeah, but you said it like I never am."

"You're funny," he bantered.

"Yeah, well. This is my room." Rory stuck the keys in the lock.

"I know."

Memories of an ill-fated bookshelf delivery came to her. "Oh, right, you've been here before."

"Yeah."

Rory pushed the door open. Awkwardly, she tried to find a way to end the evening. "Thanks for saving me tonight," she said again.

"Yeah. Anytime."

There was a pregnant pause. Finally, Rory decided she could hold her tongue no longer. "Dean, how is it you can be out like this… here… with me? Or with anyone, for that matter," she added quickly. "Where does Lindsey think you are?"

"She thinks I'm out," he shrugged coolly.

"Out where?" she continued, gently.

"Doesn't matter." He laughed uncomfortably.

"What's going on with you?"

Dean's mouth opened, but before words could come out, the dorm's silence was broken by the sound of a door crashing open. Rory's head turned. There, standing in the doorway, clad in black from head to toe, was Jess.

"What are _you _doing here?" she exclaimed, incredulous.

Jess either didn't notice how surprised she was, or didn't care. He strode towards her, his face serious and intense. "I need to talk to you," he said.

"Jess-" Dean snarled.

"I need to talk to you," Jess persisted, ignoring Dean.

"What's going on?" Dean demanded.

"What are you doing here?" Rory asked. What more could Jess possibly want from her?

"Rory, please," Jess pleaded.

"Rory?" Dean raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to speak.

Here they were, again. The two men she been through so much with, once again vying for her attention. She couldn't deal with both of them at once. She wasn't sure she even had the strength argue with Jess again, but the look on his face told her that he was desperate. She at least wanted to hear what he had to say, and she couldn't do that with both of them here. So she turned to Dean, and said, "Go. Go home."

"No!" he shouted, clearly angry that once again, it was Jess over him.

She felt bad turning him away, after he was gracious enough to come save her and all, but she really had no choice. "Yes. Go. You should go."

With a final scowl, Dean sulked away. Rory could now address the issue at hand. She turned to Jess. "Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away!"

"Rory-" he sighed.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"I- I don't know," he faltered. "I just wanted… to see you, talk to you." His eyes glowed with the same desperate hope that had been there on that horrible, heart-wrenching night when he had told her that he loved her, then abruptly fled the scene, leaving Rory alone to sort through her emotions. "I just…"

"What?" She wasn't going to just stand here. She couldn't.

"Come with me," he announced.

This took Rory completely by surprise. "What?" She couldn't meet his eye.

"Come with me," he said, his voice more confident and his resolve stronger.

"Where?"

"I don't know. Away!"

She furrowed her brow, not believing what she was hearing. "Are you _crazy_?"

"Probably. Do it, come with me, don't think about it." He stood, so sure of himself that it frightened her a little.

"I can't do that!" Rory couldn't look at him. She turned and barreled into her room. She meant it. She couldn't go away. And most of all, she couldn't give her heart away. Not to him, not again, not after everything he'd put her through.

"You don't think you can do it, but you can. You can to anything you want," Jess spoke quickly, following her in. Why did he have to badger her like this? Why couldn't he understand that?"

"It's not what I want!"

"It is, I know you," he exclaimed, exasperated.

"You don't know me."

"Look, we'll go to New York," he proposed, gesturing excitedly. "We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want, it's what you want too."

"No," she continued to protest. He had to stop. Sooner or later he had to, before she couldn't resist him anymore.

"Look, I want to be with you, but… not here, not this place, not Stars Hollow," he said with disdain. "We have to start new."

"There's nothing to start!" she shouted, walking away from him again. She was scared because didn't quite believe the words coming out of her mouth. But she couldn't bend.

"You're packed, your stuff is all in boxes." He gestured toward the boxes of her posessions stacked in the bare common room. "It's perfect. You're ready, and I'm ready. I'm ready for this – you can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now, you can!"

"No!" she maintained. How was it any different now? What reassurance could she possibly have that Jess had changed? There was none, and she couldn't throw her life away on someone unreliable. Yes, she had loved Jess. And standing here in this room, yes, she still felt something. But moving to New York? It was a step she couldn't take.

"Look, you know we're supposed to be together." He grabbed her arm and stared earnestly into her eyes. "I knew it the first time I saw you, two years ago. And you know it too. I _know_ you do."

Rory averted her eyes, unable to connect with his intense gaze. It hurt too much. "No," she muttered, losing steam. "No, no, no-"

Jess interrupted her angrily. "Don't say no just to make me stop talking or to make me go away. Only say no if you really don't want to be with me."

She opened her mouth to protest one last time. But when she looked into his dark, stormy eyes, eyes filled with passion for her, the words caught in her throat. "I-" she stumbled, trailing off. She became acutely aware of the silence in the room. _Say no,_ her mind screamed. _Just say no, and he will go away_. But her lips could not form the word. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes.

"Rory?" he whispered softly, his stony expression melting. He reached out a hand. "What do you say?"

Rory shoved it away. "I can't do this, Jess," she finally choked out.

"Okay," was all he said in response. With a knowing nod, he turned and walked out of the room.

Rory sunk down on one of the boxes and buried her face in her hands. She had thought she was completely over Jess, but seeing him tonight brought back all of the turbulent emotions that had tugged at her heart since he had first come to town.

She remembered the night. She remembered strolling with him, in the moonlit Stars Hollow square, joking about how he was "too cool for school." She remembered the smile that had crept across her face, against her will, upon seeing his playful crooked smirk.

He had pulled one of her books out of his jacket, the one he'd refused to borrow as he told her, "I don't read much." As he showed her the notes he had penciled in the margins, and explained that he'd read it about forty times, he countered her surprised face with a mysterious shrug and the words, "Well, what is much?" With that michevious smile again he'd said, "Goonight, Rory."

"Night, Dodger," she rolled her eyes, throwing out a reference to the thief in one of her favorite novels.

"Dodger?" he asked, stopping.

"Figure it out," she threw back playfully.

As she walked away, to her surprise and delight, she heard him call out, "Oliver Twist." She grinned secretly, not wanting to give this delinquent the satisfaction of knowing she was pleased, but at the same time feeling something inside her flutter upon realizing that there may finally be someone in that small town who could truly be a part of her world.

Looking back on it years later, Rory realized that, though she struggled for a year to keep things going with Dean and to deny her attraction to Jess, that moment was where it all began. She mulled over what Jess had just told her. It was true that, for a long time, she too had believed that they were meant to be together. Through their long, often arduous relationship, though, that feeling had dwindled. Now she wasn't sure what she believed. Jess had opened the whole horrendous mess up again. And of course, there was Dean to think about, too. He was the one, after all, who had driven all the way to New Haven to help her out. And there was a moment – well, there was almost a moment, before Jess had come in and interrupted them. What was Dean going to say? What was going on with Lindsey, and how did Rory fit into it all?

Rory sighed. She had no idea what to do. There was one person, though, who she could always count on to help her work through tough boy dilemmas. Rory resolved that, once she arrived back in Stars Hollow, she would head over to her best friend's apartment for some serious girl talk.


	2. Chapter 2

Rory was happy to see Lane, and by the smile and hug she received, she guessed that Lane must be just as excited to see her. They spent some time playing video games so Rory could get the full experience of what usually went on in Lane's apartment (Rory herself getting her character decapitated in the process). Just as Lane retrieved some chips from underneath the floorboard where she had stashed them, away from her gluttonous roommates' view, Rory began tentatively, "So… Jess came by to see me."

Lane stopped dead. "You've been here twenty minutes and you drop this now?" she freaked.

"He just showed up at my dorm on Saturday night."

"Why? What did he say?" As Rory started to reply, Lane interrupted, "Wait." Apparently having sensed that this was a conversation she couldn't get through without junk food, she grabbed the container of chips, ripped the top off, and whipped out a Pringle, holding it poised in the air. "Go."

As Rory explained what had happened with Jess, Lane looked amazed, interjecting "Oh my God!" in the appropriate places.

Rory finally concluded with, "It was awful."

"It doesn't sound awful," Lane said.

"What are you talking about? Jess bailed on me twice," Rory argued.

"I know, but how incredibly romantic to have this guy show up out of the blue and want to take you away with him," Lane gushed.

She had a point, but that wasn't the whole story. "When I first met Jess," Rory explained, "I thought, what can be better than this? He's smart, good taste in books and music, so cute, but Jess is great one minute, and then the next… I mean, as far as I know, I could have said yes, packed my bags, and by the time I got to the car, he would have changed his mind," she finished, growing more and more confident that she had made the right decision.

"It's part of why he's cute," Lane reminded her. "He's unpredictable."

"I guess." It was part of Jess's charm, she had to admit. There was something thrilling about being with him. But thrills weren't enough to make up for all the times he let her down, now were they? She mused, "You know, when I was with Dean, I always knew that no matter what, he would be there." She remembered how, on that same night, Dean had come to her rescue, no questions asked. It was comforting.

"Dean was very dependable," Lane agreed.

"It's more than that," she persisted. "He is – well, he was – so… I was safe. And he was so nice to me." Rory became nostalgic, remembering how before the rocky relationship she had with Jess, there was the steady, reliable romance with Dean. Was she crazy to have thrown it all away for a little excitement?

"He really loved you," Lane said softly.

"Yeah, I think I really blew it there, you know? I didn't appreciate it."

"Every girl has to fall for a bad boy. It's the rule. It's the reason so many accountants finally get married," Lane joked, lightening the mood.

She stayed at Lane's a while longer, chatting about Lane's band and unruly roommates, recapping Rory's stressful finals, and coordinating their plans for summer. On her walk to Luke's, though, Rory couldn't stop her mind from drifting back to her boy problems. She may have been a fool to give up Dean. But what about Jess? If she had stayed with Dean, she would have missed out on a relationship that was, though turbulent, also incredibly exciting. Being with Jess had made her feel alive. Debating with Jess, discussing books with Jess, listening to Jess's music, kissing Jess… after all, Jess was the first person who she ever even thought about…

Rory blushed. Best not to think of such things now; going down that road was too dangerous, and she didn't want to know where it would take her. She couldn't believe that after all her time away from the town, here she was, once again measuring her two high school loves against each other. She had already spent years of her life comparing the two, debating which one to be with, and it seemed that she could never quite put the issue to rest. It was time, though. Dean was married, and Jess was… well, Jess. No good could come of this.

She met Lorelai at Luke's. Their lunch took a comical twist when her mom dragged her outside and said, "I think I'm dating Luke. I'm not sure. It's just a possibility." After Rory had gaped at her for a while as Lorelai had explained why she thought there was something happening between her and their favorite diner owner, Rory realized that, though it was a risky relationship, it was probably unavoidable. Luke was a part of their lives, practically a part of their family, and if being with him would make her mother happy, she had to support her. Lorelai, after all, deserved to be happy, after all the grief she had had over the years. And Luke was great, certainly a worthy man.

It wasn't going to be easy for them to get together, though, Rory realized as she bit back laughter when her mother, flustered by Luke's presence, had managed to knock over everything sitting on their table, causing a huge, noisy catastrophe. As her mother tried to disappear into the ground and Luke ran off to grab a rag, Rory spotted Dean outside. However, when she waved, he merely glared at her, then turned and walked the other way. He must be angry about the other night, Rory realized with a sinking feeling. She hadn't meant to hurt Dean by sending him away, but she'd had no choice, really. Maybe she would catch him around town sometime soon and make amends. She hoped so. Dean was a good friend; she would hate to singlehandedly ruin that.

…

A week later, there was an excited buzz about Stars Hollow: Friday was the test run of the new Dragonfly Inn. Lorelai had invited friends and neighbors from town to come and stay for a weekend, so that the staff would get a chance to iron out any problems before real paying guests came to stay.

At the inn, everyone seemed to be in a panic. Sookie was spouting off worriedly that everyone on her kitchen staff, of which she needed to fire two, was doing an excellent job. Lorelai was running around the inn, moving things about and shouting into her phone at the contractor, Tom, because the doors for the guests' rooms had still not arrived.

"Hey, I've changed my mind. I want to be a ballerina," she whined to her daughter.

Rory, who was calmly placing a vase of yellow flowers on each dining room table, said, "Good timing." She followed the two panicking inn owners outside a minute later, upon the announcement that the guests were starting to arrive. She, along with the staff, greeted Babette, Miss Patty, a very grumpy Taylor, and others.

She excused herself and wandered inside, where she found Dean struggling with one of the newly-arriving doors. "Hi," she greeted him, bubbly as usual.

"Hi." He sighed and put the door down. "I have to get this upstairs," he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

"Can't we talk?" Rory asked, persistent.

Dean appeared to be quite annoyed. "What about?"

Rory explained briefly that she had told Jess to leave that night, that they hadn't gotten together, with Dean huffing and arguing with her the whole time. "What? Why are you so mad?" she finally demanded.

"I though… you were back with him… or something," Dean said, his eyes still darting away.

"No, I'm not back with him."

"Well, I thought you were."

"Well, I'm not." She paused. It was growing harder to speak. The slight tension of that night was back; this time, it was so thick, she felt like she was suffocating. "But even if I was back with him… why would it bother you so much?"

"I don't like him." Dean edged closer.

"Okay…"

"And…" he shook his head, "I don't want you with him."

"Right. Because… because he don't treat me right. Right?" she prompted him.

"Right," he nodded, taking another step closer, so that there was only about a foot between them.

"And you wouldn't want me to be with someone who doesn't treat me right because… you're my friend, right?" Her voice grew smaller the closer he stood. He towered over her, powerful but gentle, smelling of newly cut wood.

"Right. I'm your friend." Dean leaned down, and Rory found that she couldn't breathe. His face lingered only inches away from hers… his lips were only millimeters from hers now...

"Dean!" she heard someone shout. Standing at the other end of the hallway was Lorelai. "How are you doing with those doors?"

"We- we're doing fine," he stuttered.

Lorelai looked back and forth between her daughter, and Dean. Finally she gave Rory a sketchy look. Her gaze seemed to bore right into her daughter's skull. Without saying anything more, she shook her head, then continued towards the reception desk.

Dean let out a nervous laugh, and Rory stood, paralyzed. She had almost kissed Dean. Dean! Her married ex-boyfriend, of all people. Except – well, she had forgotten that he was married, for that moment. He had just been Dean. And the whole situation was made so much worse by the fact that her mother had walked in. Unable to move, Rory played awkwardly with a lock of hair as Dean picked up the door and carried it up the stairs, not glancing back or acknowledging that anything had happened. Which it hadn't. Still, the tension was mounting, and Rory realized that it was unavoidable: by the end of the night, something was going to happen, and things would be resolved in some way or another. She just wasn't sure what that resolution would be. 


	3. Chapter 3

Throughout the next hour or so, Rory helped Lorelai greet guests as they entered the inn. Most notable was Luke, who came bearing a bouquet of flowers for her mother. So Lorelai was right, she mused. This certainly looked like dating. Of course, their moment was interrupted by another one of her mother's clumsy moves: she turned around and smacked her face into a door that was being carried by. After dismissing Luke and seeing the smirk on Rory's face, she jokingly threatened, "I've locked you in before, and I will do it again."

Things went well until halfway through dinner, when all hell broke loose. As if her poor mother didn't have enough to deal with, crashing into something every time Luke was in sight, her ex-boyfriend Jason showed up to cause trouble. Rory reassured her mother, who came by Rory's table and requested that she stop by the house later and grab some CD's.

Sookie's dinner was, of course, nothing short of heavenly. After dessert, Lorelai brought out a stack of board games. Rory grabbed backgammon and sat down for a few games with Tom, the inn's contractor whom she and her mother had grown increasingly fond of during the inn's renovations. Things were going smoothly until Rory looked over and saw a familiar spiky-haired torment of hers standing just inside the front door. Rory's heart just about stopped when she caught sight of him. She excused herself and sauntered up to Jess. "Why are you here?" she demanded.

"Luke mentioned it at my mom's wedding. And you know how much I love these good old Stars Hollow barn-raisings," he said in a mocking tone.

"This is not just some goofy town carnival. This is possibly the most important day of my mother's life, and I'm not going to let you ruin it," she answered flippantly.

"I'm not going to ruin it," he scoffed. "I just came by to talk to you." His voice softened, and there was a significant look in her eye.

Rory knew she had left his proposal to come away with him open, failing to actually refuse his request, and had been expecting this for some time. But the opening of her mother's inn was not exactly the best time and place for this discussion, especially since she still had Dean to deal with. "I can't talk about this now," she muttered, marching past him and throwing one last glance over her shoulder at him. "I have to go get CD's."

Rory ran off the best she could in her low-heeled shoes, ignoring when she heard him call after her. Fortunately, he didn't try to chase after her. Rory needed more time to think.

She arrived at her house and began to gather her favorite CD's from her room, pausing only upon hearing a knock at their back door. She opened it, to find Dean standing on their deck.

She let him in, and he followed her into her room. After some polite chatter, Dean brought up the subject that they had been skillfully avoiding so far. "So, um… today," he began.

"Yes… today."

"An interesting day."

She nodded nonchalantly. "I'd authorize a case study if I could."

Dean laughed. "You know, I could be wrong, but somehow, I had a feeling that if your mom hadn't come in when she did-"

"Dean…" Rory cut him off.

"Yeah?"

"Lindsey," she said with significance.

Dean told her that his marriage was failing, despite his best efforts. Rory stood in fearful and excited anticipation. A part of her was happy when she realized that Dean still loved her, but another part desperately wanted him to say he was content with his wife and leave Rory alone. That would make things so much simpler.

"I'm sorry you're not happy," she told him softly.

"I'll be happy again," he said, moving ever closer to her as he spoke. "Things happen for a reason… right?" He grasped her arm.

"Right."

Dean leaned his forehead against hers and ran his fingers through her hair as Rory said, "I can't believe that this is… that we're…" Her head was spinning. Here was Dean. Married Dean. Her first love Dean. And they were about to…

"I can," he whispered, interrupting her thoughts.

Dean leaned down and kissed her. She kissed him back, trying to put all of her conflicting emotions aside. Dean leaned her back gently until she was lying on her bed, with him on top of her.

She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. Time slowed, and as Dean kissed her, moved her hands up and down her body, her mind began to clear and it was like someone else was there on the bed. Someone reckless.

What was she doing? She couldn't go through with this. It wasn't that she wasn't ready for this step – she was. She was old enough. But… he was married. And as much as she had always loved Dean, she couldn't allow herself to be like this.

She broke the kiss. "Dean – stop. You have to stop." Frantically, she pawed at him, pushing his chest away. She sat up.

Dean stood up, stumbling backwards a little. "What? I thought we-"

"I can't." Rory shook her head. "I'm sorry, Dean, but I just can't."

"Why? You don't think your mother would approve?" he dug.

"This has nothing to do with my mother. It's you. And Lindsey."

Dean sighed in frustration. "I told you, it's not working with Lindsey. I told you it was a mistake. I love you, Rory."

She shook her head. "No. It's wrong." She was shaking a little, but she wouldn't back down. "You have to go."

"Fine," Dean yelled. He turned and stormed out, slamming the back door behind him.

Rory hunched over, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. She hadn't expected him to be so mad. Maybe she was wrong to turn Dean away. He did love her, after all. Rory had half a mind to chase after him, to apologize, but she didn't want to be that girl. She knew that in that moment, she had just shattered everything there was between her and Dean. It was over, forever.

She heard the door slam, and her mother shout, "Rory?" She was too weakened by the emotional blow, though, to be compelled to move, so she sat still on the bed, shaking with silent sobs. Lorelai would find her.

"Oh my God. You're missing everything!" her mom continued. Rory heard her footsteps leading up and then back down the stairs as she rambled. "Grab those CD's and get back to the inn, before you miss the cross-dressing midgets! That's where the night is headed. Augh, things are happening. Big things, so much to tell you. Let me just open with this little tidbit: Kirk… running naked… through the square."

Rory stood and walked out of her room as her mom continued jabbering: "Of course, with all my careful planning and preparation, I forgot to bring Band-Aids and a camera. I have got to learn that always, without fail, Kirk equals camera."

She stopped short upon seeing Rory's tear-stained face. "Oh, honey, what's wrong?" She placed the items she was holding on a table and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

"I had a fight with Dean," Rory mumbled into her shoulder.

"With Dean?" Lorelai asked quizzically. "When did you see Dean?"

"He came over here."

"He came here? What happened?" Lorelai put her arms on Rory's shoulders and pushed her back, holding her at arm's length. "Did something happen?" she asked softly, a hint of disappointment creeping into her voice.

"Sort of," Rory nodded. "How did you know?"

"Well, I saw that little moment you two were having at the inn earlier."

"Oh yeah," Rory remembered. She wiped the tears from her face.

"Come talk to me." Lorelai wrapped her arm around her daughter's shoulders and steered her into their family room. They sat on the couch.

"Dean came over, and he told me that things weren't working out with Lindsey. We started to kiss, and we layed down on the bed."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows. "And then?"

"Well, nothing happened," she reassured her mom. "I told him that I couldn't do it because he was married," she said self-righteously.

"And he got mad?" her mother said, rubbing her back.

"Yeah." Rory frowned. Looking back, it really made her angry that Dean had shouted at her like that. It wasn't right.

Apparently, her mother agreed. "That no good-" she snarled.

"Mom, stop. He's a good guy," Rory protested.

"No good guy cheats on his wife," Lorelai argued. After a slight pasued, she added, "I'm proud of you, though. You made the right choice."

Rory looked up at her mother with watery blue eyes. "You raised me right. But… would you have been really mad if I had slept with Dean?"

Lorelai sighed. "I would have been upset, I'm sure. Dean is married, after all." Gently, she continued, "I don't think I would have been mad if… I mean, ideally, I would like you to wait until you're in a retirement home."

This elicited a small laugh from Rory. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"I know. You are your mother's daughter, after all. Just… make sure it's someone single?"

Rory appreciated her mom's efforts at talking this extremely awkward subject. "I will."

"Good. Now. Do I have some news for you." With shining eyes, Lorelai relayed the past few events of the night to Rory – who began to shriek.

"You kissed Luke? Oh my God!" She threw her arms around her mom's neck.

"I know!" Lorelai squealed back.

Rory smiled, glad to see her mom so happy. She was a little worried for her, though. "What's going to happen now? I mean, what's the town going to say? What's Taylor going to-"

"Rory!" Lorelai protested. "Just let me be happy?"

"Sure." Rory grinned. Her mom and Luke. After all of these years.

"And by the way, speaking of things happening, I noticed Jess hanging around the inn… any idea what that's about?" Lorelai pryed.

"Um… I'm handling it," Rory said, groaning inwardly. In all of the excitement with Dean, she had forgotten about Jess. She had a lot of thinking to do.

"Let's just head back to the inn and get some coffee," Lorelai suggested.

"Sounds good to me." 


	4. Chapter 4

Rory sat alone on the front porch sipping coffee and Lorelai, Sookie, and Luke tended to a naked Kirk. She herself had stepped out as soon as she caught sight of what was going on – seeing Kirk even with his clothing on tended to be disturbing, so without them… she didn't even want to think about it.

It was the perfect temperature outside. A steamy summer day had given way to a warm night. She leaned sat parallel to the porch steps, her back against the railing, looking up at the stars. After some time, surely she would be able to handle another dose of emotional drama.

"Hey," she heard someone mumble. She turned her head, set her coffee mug down, and noticed Jess ambling towards her. He was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved black shirt, looking as amazing as ever.

Rory's stomach did a little flip. "Hey yourself," she answered back.

"How did things go with 'The Beav'?" he asked her.

"How did you…"

"I saw him leave here right after you," he explained. With a hint of aggressiveness, he asked, "You didn't get back together with him, did you? I thought he was married."

"He is… married." Rory shrugged, looking down at her hands. She wasn't sure why she was telling Jess all of this, but she couldn't hold back. "He wanted to have sex with me and I wouldn't let him. He got mad." She shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"Are you kidding? What a jerk," Jess growled.

"Might I remind you that you once did the same thing to me?" she teased.

"Oh, come on, that was ages ago," he argued, apparently taking her seriously.

"It's okay. I was joking." Rory wasn't sure why, but talking to Jess was making her smile. "So are you going to tell me why you're here?"

He sat down next to her, facing the opposite direction. Their hips lightly touched. He rested back on his hands. "I did it all wrong," Jess said softly.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Coming to you like that, telling you that you had to come away with me." He paused for a moment, and she looked intently into his dark eyes. "I thought about it, and one of the things I love most about you is that you go to Yale. I don't want to be the guy who takes that all away from you."

"Jess…" she began, unsure of what to say.

"Don't speak, Rory." Jess pulled one of his knees up and rested an elbow on it, leaning forward. "I may have been wrong to try to take you from Yale, but everything else I said was true. I do want to be with you. And I do know that we are meant to be together." He reached his hand up and curled a curtain of her hair behind her ear. "I think you know it too."

Her heart beat a little faster. "Jess, I – I loved you. I really did. But you left. Twice. I can't just let it all go, and fall for you again, and then have you leave me. It hurts too much."

"I know I screwed up in the past. But I've changed, I swear. I know how to make relationships work now, I know how to communicate. The book taught me."

"The book?" Rory looked at him like he was crazy. The book? What on earth was he talking about? She may have been wrong, but she thought she noticed him squirming a little.

"Just – never mind. Forget I said anything. It doesn't matter." Their gazes locked, and Jess breathed in deeply, as if mustering strength. He took her hand and wound his fingers around hers. "Rory… I love you. We belong together. Just… please. I'll move back here, I'll move to Yale with you, it doesn't matter to me, we can make it work. Just give me another chance. I won't let you down this time. I swear." His eyes pleaded.

Rory's heart surged unexpectedly. She remembered their first kiss, at Sookie's wedding nearly two years ago. There he was, just standing there, unexpectedly. She had stared at that handsome, smart, intriguing boy who had worked his way into her heart. She had risked so much for months, knowing that she needed to stay away from him, but helplessly growing closer, even traveling all the way to New York because she had to see him.

"I came back," he'd told her when she had asked why he was there, his face showing no emotion.

"Why?" she had wondered, secretly hoping that he came back for her.

"Wanted to," he had answered coolly, noncommitally, but at the same time reassuring Rory that she was, indeed, the reason. Her heart had surged, and she had lunged at him, kissing him, despite all of her better judgement.

In the present, all of the intense chemistry and the simultaneous joy and panic that had spread through her came rushing back.

"What are you smiling about?" he wondered, a curious half-smile on his own face.

"You," she answered simply. Here she was again, the same chemistry pulling in. But now, she realized, things were different. There was nothing in the way, no boyfriend to tug at her conscience. At the same time, she knew she was not powerless. Her mind was clearer, after years of conflict with Jess, and she was sure that if she really didn't want to kiss him, she could probably get up and walk away.

But she didn't get up. In that moment, she hesitated, staring into his eyes, then closed hers, leaned forward, and kissed Jess. Rather than her earlier kiss of the night, however, Rory surrendered all thought and became lost in the passion and intensity. He put his arms around her and pulled her close.

After a while – it could have been minutes or hours, Rory really had no idea – she pulled back slighty.

Jess sighed. "What?"

"Jess, I just want you to know… I love you too," she said earnestly. It had grown too strong to deny.

He grinned and ran his fingers through her hair. "Well, I'm glad you told me, but I sort of had a hunch."

"Oh you did?" she teased.

"Oh yeah." He gazed at her lovingly for a moment, then leaned in for another kiss.

"Rory? Are you… oh my God." As Rory looked at the front doorway of the inn, she saw her mother stop dead in her tracks.

"Um… I suppose I should take care of this," Rory mumbled to Jess.

"Great," he muttered. "This will go well."

Rory stood up, hastily smoothed her dress and hair, and walked over to her mother, who dragged her just inside the doorway. "So, uh… what was going on there?" Lorelai wondered, accusation apparent in her voice.

"Mom, I know you don't like Jess, but I'm… still in love with him," Rory said tentatively.

Lorelai sighed. "Wow. Okay. Too much romance for you in one night."

"I couldn't agree more," Rory conceded. "But Jess is… he's… he seems different now. I know you don't believe me, but I can tell that he is."

"Hmm… I wonder if it has anything to do with that book," Lorelai pondered.

"He did mention a book," Rory recalled.

"I saw Jess with this cheesy self-help book at Liz's wedding," Lorelai gossiped.

Rory looked at her incredulously. "Jess on Dr. Phil? That does not seem right."

"I know," Lorelai laughed. "I still have a hard time believing that Jess is different."

"It is hard to believe," Rory admitted, "But he's here, isn't he? He didn't just drive off after saying 'I love you' this time."

"Wow, he said he loved you and didn't run away? This is big," Lorelai joked.

"I just really need you to back me up on this," Rory begged.

Lorelai sighed. "Alright. If you really want to risk going through it all again, well, it's you're decision. I mean, at least he's not married, right?" she teased, nudging her daughter in the ribs.

Rory glared at her mom.

"I'm sorry. You're right, it's not funny," Lorelai snapped into a complete deadpan facial expression, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Their verbal tennis match ended when Lorelai saw a certain man lurking nearby. "Um, I guess I'll… I just have to…" She couldn't think of a worthy excuse, so she just scowled at her smirking daughter and then hustled off to speak to Luke.

Rory walked back out to Jess, who was now standing on the porch. "It's going to be alright," she told him. "I think my mom's going to be okay with it. Or at least, she'll pretend to be."

"Well, then I'm just going to have to prove that I'm more reliable, now won't I?" As Jess spoke, he stepped closer and took Rory in his arms.

"I guess you will, mister," she grinned.

Jess kissed her slowly… then faster… then much faster. Things grew more and more heated, until he broke away and said, "We better stop. I'm guessing that your mom wouldn't want us to do it right here on the inn's porch, what do you think?"

Rory laughed. "Probably not." She shuddered slightly. "Besides, after tonight, I don't want to think about that for a long time."

"Ah, yes. I can see why. But… let me know when you are ready to think about it," he grinned.

"Oh, I will," she said playfully. "Actually, I've already done a lot of thinking."

"Oh, you have?" Jess gave her another intense kiss. It made Rory's mind spin.

"And there will be more thinking… but tonight, I better get to bed. I don't want my mom coming out here again."

He kissed her on the cheek. "Alright. I guess I'll go sleep at Luke's apartment… something tells me that Uncle Luke may be wanting that room all to himself tonight."

Rory wrinkled her nose. "Ew. I can't picture my mom and Luke…"

Jess shrugged. "It freaks me out a little too."

Rory laughed. After a moment, she said, "So… are you coming back here for breakfast tomorrow morning?"

Jess pulled her close for one last lingering kiss. "I'll be here," he said softly. After gazing at her for a long moment, he turned and walked off.

Rory watched his black-clad body until it disappeared, feeling elated. She had Jess. And this time, she was confident, he wasn't going anywhere. 


End file.
